


Memory and Identity

by ZephyrusZ



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: M/M, Oneshot, Plot Twists, amnesiac Izaya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-27 22:28:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5066926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZephyrusZ/pseuds/ZephyrusZ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Izaya loses his memory. Shizuo is involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memory and Identity

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Let’s play a game, shall we?_

_Just a simple game._

_I’ll flip a coin – heads or tails, and you try to guess which side it’ll land on._

_Don’t worry, there’s no catch…unless you want to gamble?_

_No? Well then, let’s begin_

_What?_

_I’ve done this before?_

_Haha, have I?_

_I can’t remember._

_After all, my memories are gone._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m home.”

A blond man called out as he entered the small apartment.

“Welcome home.”

He smiled at the greeting as he entered the living room, “What are you reading this time?”

“The philosopher John Locke, his theories are quite interesting. And relevant to my situation.”

“How so?”

“There’s this section on personal identity, and how personal identity is determined by memory. For example, take the situation of a cruel prince reborn in the body of a cobbler. Would he be responsible for his crimes?”

“Depends. Does he remember committing them or not?”

“Exactly. He has to have the consciousness of having committed those crimes to be held responsible. Take another example, an old soldier remembers having received an award when he was young but he doesn’t remember being a boy who took an apple from a tree. Is he still the same person?”

“You mean the old soldier and the young boy?”

“That’s right.”

“He should be, since they come from the same body.”

“But there’s a contradiction there, in the case of the prince and the cobbler, memory determines identity. So the old man shouldn’t be the boy if he doesn’t remember being him.”

“…”

“Haha. Don’t try to think too hard. I just found it interesting, the contradiction in this theory.”

“…..I still think they’re the same person, he might not remember it but if he was the boy at one time then they’re the same person aren’t they. And well if he remembers being a young man and at that time remembered being a young boy he’s the same person…I think.”

“…Argh anyway it’s common sense, they come from the same body, that’s it!”

“Then how about me?”

“What?”

“I don’t remember being the guy who ruined everyone’s lives, including yours, am I still the same person?”

“…Is that what’s bothering you?”

The black haired man just smiled. The blond made his way over and sat down next to him, placing a hand on his arm.

“Do you want to be that person?”

“No one wants to be hated. But no one wants to not know who they are either, to be lacking an identity.”

“…You know if you want to, I won’t stop you,” the blond said, ruffling the other man’s hair. He stood up and looked down at his companion with a smile.

“Well come and eat, you can’t think on an empty stomach anyway…Izaya.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Have you heard?_

_Haha what is it this time?_

_Orihara Izaya lost his memory!_

_What?_

_And he and Heiwajima Shizuo are friends now_

_Are you serious?_

_So Shizuo’s his bodyguard now?_

_Seems like it_

_Does he know what a horrible person he was?_

_Maybe, maybe not_

_Do you think Shizuo told him?_

_I’m more interested if he’ll get what he deserves._

_What do you mean?_

_Well it’s the perfect opportunity for bad guys to let loose on him, no?_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“What?”

_“I said, is Izaya with you? I went to your apartment but he wasn’t there –”_

“You’re telling me Izaya’s gone?!”

_“It seems so. I have Celty searching for him but she hasn’t seen a trace of him anywhere –”_

“What about his apartment?”

_“Still empty. Maybe he went out to buy groceries or something?”_

“If he did he would have texted me, shit which means bad guys could have gotten him…”

_“Yeah I tried calling him but I couldn’t get through. What are you going to do, Shizuo?”_

“You tell Celty to keep a lookout, I’ll search for him myself.”

Shizuo said and hung up, and a male voice spoke, “What’s wrong?”

“Tom-san,” Shizuo looked up at the man who had just come back with his food. He wondered how to phrase his words.

“…Someone important to me has gone missing. If it’s not too much trouble…”

He trailed off, and Tom said, “Is it your brother?”

“No…”

The older man looked at his kouhai, then smiled. “Sure, have the day off.”

“Is it really alright?”

“Yeah. This city can be dangerous, I’m sure you know…I hope you find who you’re looking for.”

“Thank you very much.” Shizuo said to his superior, standing up from his seat.

“Then, I’ll see you tomorrow, Tom-san.”

“Sure, Shizuo.”

Tom said as Shizuo departed. He looked out the window at the running blond man, and said as if to himself –

“…I only hope you’re worrying about the right person.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**In a dark place**

 

“Argh, so annoying!”

_SMASH_

_CRACK_

“Now that’s better.”

The man said with a smirk as he stepped on the broken phone under his foot, as a voice yelled -

“Whatever you bastards are planning…it’s between you and me right? Don’t involve Shizuo in this!”

“Heh….so you really have lost your memory huh? I didn’t believe it at first ya know but it seems it’s true. Huh, Orihara Izaya?”

The man smirked as he held the blade of the knife to Izaya’s face, drawing blood.

“Look at you, you’ve become so pathetic you were abducted so easily, and you’re relying on your worst enemy! Ha, if the real you saw this he would hide his sorry ass out of pure humiliation!”

“Oh yah speaking of ass, I’ve got a little something for you.”

A syringe was held in front of two glaring eyes.

“Wondering what’s in this thing? Well, it’s something that’s gonna make you feel good.”

The man punctuated with a lecherous grin, as the knife moved from Izaya’s face to his shirt.

Izaya’s eyes widened, as around him several other male voices called out –

“Hey don’t take him all for yourself! Let us have a taste of the informant too!”

“That’s right! Haha, the little shit won’t be satisfied with just one cock anyway!”

“Haha! Well – ow!”

The guy yelped as Izaya had kicked out at him, thrashing about in his restraints.

“Let me go you bastards! Don’t touch me!”

“Oi hold him down, idiots!”

They moved to obey and Izaya soon found himself trapped by several hands, pinned down onto the floor with the men leering down at him.

“Such a pretty face.”

“Wasted on this little bastard really.”

“Wish he had his memories though, it’d have been more satisfying.”

“Though we might not be able to catch this little bugger if he had his memory.”

One guy said, placing a hand on Izaya’s crotch with a perverted grin, causing russet eyes to widen in fear.

“W-What,” the black haired man choked as his zipper was pulled down.

“W-What are you doing?!”

“Well we can’t fuck you with your clothes on right?”

“No…get off! GET OFF!”

His hands were trembling as the dark reality of the situation hit him and he pushed against the muscles of the man’s hard chest, the laughs sounding like a nightmare to his ears.

“Shizuo…Shizuo!”

They laughed harder at his cries for the man who had taken him under his care and treated him kindly, and tears formed in his eyes as his pants slid down his legs.

“Oi, I had dibs on him first, get lost!”

“S-Sorry Boss…!”

The man backed away, just as a cry pierced the air as the needle of the syringe had pierced into Izaya’s skin.

“Now,” the man with the empty syringe smirked as he threw it to the side, as Izaya glared at him from his vulnerable position on the ground.

He slashed through the rest of Izaya’s shirt, tossing the fabric away and descending upon the frightened black haired man, smirking wickedly.

“It’s time for you to get a taste of another’s game.”

 

 

 

 

 

In the abandoned warehouse, a man was lying almost completely devoid of clothing on the dirty ground, sobbing as he tried to futilely kick at his assaulter, his hands bound behind his back.

“Stop it…!”

He whimpered weakly as even his kicks lost strength as fingers had been replaced by lewd toys which forced him open until he was begging, all his initial defiance gone.

“Ahhhh…hurts! It hurts! Stop, please!”

But they only laughed at him cruelly and shoved the latest toy further into his entrance and he screamed past the wet fingers in his mouth.

When the dots faded away, they revealed a more unpleasant sight and his eyes widened.

“No…please, no!”

He realized the toy had been removed only to be replaced by something he dreaded even more.

But the man who had taken his erection out only laughed as if enjoying his fear and pain, grabbing his slender legs and shoving them wide open, entirely exposing the former information broker.

“Don’t scream too loud, Orihara. Hey I was kind enough to give you a drug so you’d be more receptive you know? Yet you’re rebelling against me like this…”

“Think the drug isn’t working though, did that damn doctor give the wrong drug?”

“Yeah he didn’t look like they usually do.”

“No…!” Izaya sobbed, trying to get away, his wrists trembling in the strong grip.

Choking as he felt the man’s hot hardness against his entrance, he squeezed his eyes shut, tears slipping out as his body trembled.

“Don’t do this…or I swear when I get back my memories I’ll make your life hell!”

“Hah, like that’d happen –”

“H-Hey…”

“The fuck do you want?! Can’t you see I’m busy here –”

He was cut off when his own heart almost stopped at the sight which met his eyes.

“H-Hei-w-wa –!”

And then his heart did inevitably stop some time later, from massive loss of blood and ruptured internal organs.

 

 

Izaya, who had closed his eyes, opened them when there was a familiar touch on his shoulder.

“Izaya?”

“Shizuo…?”

Shizuo was looking at him with an immensely relieved expression, yet Izaya remembered the look of pure fury which had taken over him moments before.

“Don't…”

“I-I’m not going to do anything, I’m not like those bastards –”

“Don’t see me!” Izaya scrambled away from Shizuo, closing his legs as he huddled in the middle of scattered sex toys and white liquid.

“….”

Shizuo backed away slowly, then closed his eyes.

“…Tell me when I can see you.”

A few minutes passed in silence, before Izaya spoke.

“Shizuo…”

“What is it?”

Shizuo said with his eyes still closed, and Izaya continued.

“I…want to go home.”

Shizuo opened his eyes.

“Then, let’s go home.”

“And….” Izaya turned his face away, his expression cast in darkness.

“If this is the result, I never want to go back to the person I was back then.”

“I see.”

“Are you alright with that?”

“Huh?”

“I’ve imposed on you enough, haven’t I? Do you…get what I’m saying?”

“…That you don’t want to remember?”

“I’m saying I want to stay with you. Can you accept that?”

“…I never liked the person you were anyway, I much prefer this side of you. I always thought…what would happen if you regained your memories? I didn’t want to think about it.”

“Yet at the same time…I knew it was selfish of me. To keep you away from your past. So, if you’re sure…I wouldn’t mind that at all.”

“Even if I say I like you?”

Izaya said with a heavy tone of voice, but Shizuo only blinked then smiled.

“That isn’t a problem either. In fact, it’s relieving to hear.”

“What?”

Izaya stared, and Shizuo said, “To be honest…I think I like you too.”

He met Izaya’s eyes as he said this, then leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on his lips.

“…You mean this ‘like’ right?”

Shizuo said almost innocently, and Izaya could only stare for a while, for after what he had been forced to go through, the evidence of the violation of his body laid in the dirty place around them, the kiss placed on his bruised lips was so gentle and surreal it almost seemed like a fleeting dream.

“…Yeah.”

Izaya said with a smile that lit up his whole face, as he hugged Shizuo and spoke to his heart –

“I mean this 'like’.”

Then he withdrew as if burnt, and Shizuo asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing…it’s just, I’m dirty, so you shouldn’t –”

Izaya was cut off when Shizuo lunged forward and pulled him against him, murmuring by his ear.

“Don’t say that, it’s not your fault. I’ve killed them, so they won’t lay their disgusting hands on you again. I’ll protect you…”

He trailed off, then lowered his head.

“I’m sorry.”

“Eh?”

“I- Was I too late?”

“No…you were just in time. They used toys, but I didn’t actually…”

“That…was the first guy? They didn’t…?”

“…Yeah. H-He was about to d-do it…then you came.”

Shizuo was silent, before he buried his face in Izaya’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry…” Shizuo’s frame shook.

“This is all my fault. I…”

“I don’t understand, Shizuo.”

Shizuo said nothing, but looked pained. He hid his face in Izaya’s shoulder, until Izaya said –

“It’s not your fault, Shizu-chan.”

“?!”

“Isn’t that what you said I used to call you?” Izaya said with a smile as he ran his fingers through Shizuo’s hair, as the blond looked at him in shock.

“You always have this strange look on your face when I call you Shizuo, even though it’s been months since I lost my memory. But just now, you looked like you were in pain, so I thought it was the name…”

Izaya trailed off, looking away from Shizuo’s intense gaze.

“…Shizu-chan is cute, so I wouldn’t mind calling you that, if it’ll take away that expression on your face.”

“…How was I ever so wrong about you? Damn, I feel like the worst guy alive…”

Shizuo said but he was smiling again, as he held Izaya close to him.

“You can call me whatever you want, flea.”

And Izaya smiled back and placed his hand over Shizuo’s, clasping it tightly as if it was something he had wanted to do all along –

“Alright then…Shizu-chan.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Even if I don’t remember, you do, don’t you?_

_You said I did this before, didn’t you?_

_Ah yes, that._

_Would a person do something he usually wouldn’t do?_

_Like, kill someone…or manipulate them?_

_For a monetary reward worth his moral conscience?_

_I’ve said this before._

_If you say he wouldn’t, it’s just like saying the coin would land on heads before it even landed._

_You can’t really understand human hearts until you open them up and look_

_Well, I only hope that guy’s heart is human_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Several hours later**

 

“…Heiwajima.”

“Hey.”

“I-I swear I didn’t know! I didn’t know he would do that, and I never laid a hand on him except to restrain him, so please – !”

“Yeah I know. I’m not here to beat you up. I already did that.”

“Then what are you here for…?”

“To hand you the money.”

“M-Money?”

The guy in the hospital bed stared, and the blond man nodded, taking out a wad of bills and dropping them down on the bed.

“Our deal. To have you and the other guys kidnap Izaya so I could rescue him and so he would rely on me. I promised you money so here it is.”

“A-Ah…”

“With this, our deal is over and done with. You can use it to pay for your hospital bills.”

Shizuo said and walked away, before pausing as if remembering –

“Though, if you or the other members pull something like that again, I will kill all of you.”

The man stared as a shiver ran down his spine, but the blond man only continued speaking.

“And, don’t contact me ever again. I’m done with acting.”

He said and left the room, his parting words so soft they were almost inaudible –

“…Because I want to stay with him for real.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**An hour earlier**

 

“So, you’re saying you planned the kidnapping?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s incredibly manipulative of you…Shizuo.”

“I know. But it was a deal.”

“With who?”

“…The Awakusu-kai.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**3 months ago**

 

“What did you say?”

“I said I want you to take Orihara Izaya down, Heiwajima-san.”

“Why me?”

Shiki looked at him, and said, “I believe if there’s anyone who can do so, it’s you.”

“….I believe your judgment is wrong.” Shizuo said as politely as he could. He blew a puff of smoke on his cigarette.

“If that’s all, I’m leaving. I’m sure you can find other guys more suited to the job.”

“Are you sure?” Shiki said as Shizuo stood up. “Don’t you consider him your enemy? It should be a great opportunity for you.”

“…I just want peace. So if he doesn’t disturb my peace, I’m fine with letting him live.”

“Is that so.” Shiki smiled, “But, I wasn’t asking you to kill him.”

“What do you mean?”

“There’s lots of ways to take someone down.” Shiki rested his chin on his hands.

“For instance, making them a shell of the person they once were, psychological torture…”

Shizuo inhaled to control his anger amongst the Awakusu-kai, “That sounds like what that bastard Izaya would use.”

“Haha, I suppose.” Shiki seemed to be amused. “How about I offer you another method? Something less…villainous.”

“What is it?”

Shiki gestured and a man stepped forward with a box. He lifted the lid, as Shizuo frowned.

“What’s that?”

“A memory wiping drug.”

“…You want Izaya to lose his memories?”

“Yes. Orihara has been causing trouble for us lately, so we need him to stay quiet for a while. Yet, we don’t want to get rid of him completely for we may still need him in the future.”

Shiki said. He looked at Shizuo, and spoke bluntly.

“All you have to do is administer this drug to him by whatever method you deem fit, and then take him under your care.”

“I’m not housing the flea.”

“Even if we pay off your debt?”

“….”

“You work as a debt collector for dating hotlines don’t you, Heiwajima-san. However in the process you’ve damaged public property and prevented return of the money to your company, so you owe them quite a debt yourself.”

Shiki said, with a wry look in his eyes at the silent blond man.

“Contrary to what Orihara-san says, you’re a logical man aren’t you Heiwajima-san. You did figure out you were framed after all. I’m sure you know it would take you a long time to pay off your debt, not to mention you might accumulate it along the way.”

“Why can’t you guys do it yourself?”

“Because of the second part…we have no interest in taking the invalid Orihara-san would be after he loses his memories, under our care. You give the drug to him, you take responsibility for him.”

Shiki spoke, his sharp eyes looking at Shizuo as he added -

“Think about it. It isn’t a bad deal for you. If Orihara loses his memories he’ll stop bothering you. You can have the peace you want for quite a while, as well as the peace of mind with your debt finally paid.”

“…”

Shizuo said nothing, but he sat back down. Shiki waited as he looked at the syringe, as if analyzing it with his eyes.

“Where did you get this?”

“Rest assured, it’s from Kishitani-sensei.”

“Shinra? He agreed to this?”

Shiki just smiled and Shizuo looked as if he was thinking.

“…Alright, I’ll do it.”

He said after a while, and Shiki looked pleased.

“Excellent, Heiwajima-san. Then –”

He pushed the box towards Shizuo, speaking to the other man whose gaze was still on the syringe.

“ – I look forward to the end result.”

 

 

 

 

 

“I see…so that’s what happened.”

“Why are you so surprised, you’re the bastard who made something like a memory wiping drug in the first place.”

Shizuo said nonchalantly, yet his eyes were narrowed at Shinra who was smiling sheepishly with no guilt in his expression.

“Technically, it’s memory suppressing. There’s no way to intentionally lose your memory, as far as I know. Well, unless the hippocampus or the other memory formation areas is damaged but that has only happened in accidents or surgery for epilepsy.”

“No difference, serves the same purpose doesn’t it.”

“Well,” Shinra said as if to break the silence, “What are you going to do now?”

“Huh?”

“Izaya really is reliant on you now, isn’t he? It was a good move, curbing his curiosity to find out about his past, but wouldn’t it backfire in the long run?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well you hate Izaya don’t you?”

“…”

“So, it should be taxing for you, not to mention if he recovers his memories somehow –”

“I like him.”

“?!”

Shinra stared at Shizuo, who repeated, “I like him.” He said.

“…I might have been acting before, but I like him now. Even though I planned it…I was still worried about him, and fucking pissed off – not only at that bastard who tried to rape him, but at myself.”

Shizuo said, a dry smile on his lips which had kissed Izaya as he directed his gaze somewhere far away.

“I miscalculated. I was just doing it for the sake of our deal, but I realized he wasn’t so bad without his memories. In fact, I grew to like him and even fell for him.”

“…To tell the truth, I don’t want to let him go.”

Shizuo shook his head of wild blond hair, then exhaled in the silence.

“…Anyway the situation’s like that. I would tell Shiki-san to not pay for me 'cause I don’t want our relationship to be born out of something deceitful, but he already did. So, even if you ask me what’s gonna happen, I have no idea.”

“…But as long as I can stay with him…that’s enough for me.”

He said and walked away, exiting Shinra’s apartment.

“…”

Shinra just smiled and took out his phone after Shizuo had left.

[Hey number one bastard in the whole universe. You’re back aren’t you? You really are a coward, you know?

After all, you can only say the words, 'I like you’ when you’re not you.

And even then, you don’t even have the courage to say it’s love.]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**4 months earlier**

 

“Sure. To tell the truth, I’m not entirely sure if it’s possible, but I will try my best, Shiki-san.”

“I’d appreciate that. Well then, see you.”

“Alright, let me show you out.”

“Oh no it’s alright.” Shiki responded evenly as he walked away. “We can show ourselves out.”

“I’ll come back in a month to check your progress, Kishitani-sensei.”

“I understand.”

Shinra said respectfully to the members of the yakuza, waiting until they were gone before speaking loudly.

“It’s rude to eavesdrop you know?”

The door opened and Izaya came out from the room, looking wholly amused.

“Well, I was never the most moral person.”

“So since you know Shiki-san’s plan, you’re going to ruin it aren’t you? Maybe I should tell him I failed in making that drug to save him the trouble.”

“Why would I do that when there’s potential for an entertaining game?”

“Haha. What game can you play without your memories?”

Shinra asked as Izaya laid almost lazily on his couch, waving a hand.

“That’s exactly why I have to set the board beforehand, don’t you think so?”

He said, looking at Shinra with an amused look, though the amusement seemed directed somewhere other than the brown haired man.

“After all, Shiki-san wouldn’t dirty his hands with that drug. That’s why, I’m interested in who he will use.”

“You say that, but you already know who he’s going to use, don’t you?”

Shinra pointed out with a smile, which Izaya returned, undaunted.

“I might even say you planned this situation, causing trouble so Shiki-san would make his move, and approach that guy you hate.”

“I would have, wouldn’t I? Especially if Shizu-chan grows to like my company, of course I wouldn’t stay in such a pitiful state forever – I’d have to regain my memories at some point…so I can shatter Shizu-chan’s hopes for peace.”

Izaya said, and the happy smile on his face was as if he was already imagining such a scene.

“Though, it was a 60% chance Shiki-san would approach you, Shinra. But, it was a 90% chance you would suggest to him the idea of erasing my memory.”

“That’s because I thought it would be a good opportunity for you and Shizuo to get along, but I should have known that wasn’t your intention, right?”

Shinra spoke in a tone that did not suit one who had been manipulated, and Izaya’s smile grew wider at his words.

“You really should give up on that notion already, Shinra. Still, it suits my agenda.”

There was silence between the information broker and the underground doctor, before the latter smiled and said:

“You just want someone to take you down, don’t you?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Current time**

 

[I don’t know which to be more insulted by, Shinra, the assumption that I spoke about love for that monster or that I said those impossible words. I am a coward yes, but not in non-existent feelings.]

Izaya sent the message, but didn’t receive a reply. But he smiled and thought about the situation instead.

His memories had come back with the administering of the syringe which Shinra had filled with the counter drug instead of the numbing drug Shizuo had asked for which he had given to his accomplice as a false aphrodisiac.

Even though what had been done to him had surpassed his expectations and scarred even him, everything had proceeded according to his plan, except for the hearts involved –

Both his and Shizuo’s.

“What are you doing?”

“Messaging Kishitani-kun.”

Izaya said, not lying but not exactly telling the whole truth. He placed his phone down and turned over to look at Shizuo, who wrapped his arms around him and pulled him against his naked chest.

“…Don’t talk about another man when you’re in bed with me.”

“Kishitani-kun has Celty-san, there’s no need for you to be jealous, Shizuo.”

“Shinra has Celty but I’m not sure if I have you yet. So until I’m sure…I can’t help but be jealous.”

Shizuo said and Izaya grinned and ruffled Shizuo’s sweat-slicked blond hair.

“You’re so cute, Shizuo.”

Shizuo frowned a little at Izaya not taking him seriously, but shrugged and brushed it away in favor of holding the flea in his arms instead.

Izaya tensed, but soon relaxed and spoke. “Do you remember the story I told you about personal identity?”

“Yeah.”

“Memory determines identity right? According to philosopher John Locke.”

“…Yeah.”

“Last time we were discussing if I was guilty of the crimes of my past self, but what if it was the opposite way around?”

“What do you mean by that?”

Shizuo said, looking at Izaya with his sharp gaze. Izaya smiled wryly and rested his forehead against Shizuo’s chest.

“If I regain my memories, but also remember how I was after I lost them, would you consider the me now and me in the past or future the same person, Shizuo?”

“…You would be a different person.”

“Is that so.”

“You would be a different person,” Shizuo said, “Because you wouldn’t be you in the past or the you now. The past doesn’t equal the future.”

“'Cause if you really remember…then I’d also hope you’d remember the time we spent together. And that time just recently when you said you like me.”

“…Because I like, maybe even love you.”

Izaya was silent to Shizuo’s honest confession, but Shizuo only smiled and stroked his glossy black hair, resting his chin on top and closing his eyes.

“Anyway, go to sleep already Izaya. You’ve had a rough day, I’m sure even fleas need to recuperate.”

“….”

Izaya waited until Shizuo’s soft breathing filled the room, then smiled a half pleased smile and closed his eyes, murmuring absently to the beating heart of another human –

“You never cease to be unpredictable…do you, Shizu-chan?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We were playing a game, weren’t we?

Only, it isn’t as simple as I first thought.

Did I say I didn’t remember?

Oops, I lied.

Even for something like a coin flip, heads or tails isn’t the only option.

The coin could land and roll away to somewhere and not be found, or it could land in a crack in the ground, and be stuck between heads and tails.

Or it could be crushed in the hand of the human who defies the rules of the game itself.

Or broken under his foot as he walks past.

There’s a lot of unpredictable variables, possibilities like that.

Possibilities even I can’t predict.

 

No matter the outcome though, it’s still a game.

And games are meant to be fun, aren’t they?

Because, even if they don’t gamble in money –

Humans always gamble their hearts in games.

I may be a coward, but still, I’ll admit –

 

Even I’m not an exception.

And neither is he.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Izaya has his memories back.]

[I know.]

[What? You know?!]

[Yeah.]

[How?]

[My gut.]

[Right, what are you going to do?]

[What else? My job. I’m supposed to look after him right.]

[And after that? Shiki-san may need him back soon.]

[He can do his dirty work for Shiki-san, but I’m not letting him go so easily.]

[Haha what’s with that, you sound like a possessive boyfriend.]

[It’s fair game. After all, that flea manipulated me first.]

[And you know that…how?]

['Cause you told me, that’s why. You said he has his memories back, so you were in his game too. You tricked me didn’t you, Shinra?]

 

 

 

 

**The previous day**

 

“Oh one more thing.”

“What is it…?”

The hospitalized man asked the man in a bartender suit who had stopped on his way to the exit.

“I gave you a drug that would numb Izaya’s muscles didn’t I?”

“Yeah?”

“That idiot doctor said it would last for a few hours. So the time definitely didn’t pass yet…but Izaya could move. And you guys were holding him down before I got there.”

“…B-But I swear I didn’t change the drug!”

“….”

Shizuo had stilled in the silence, and the man began hesitantly, “H-Heiwajima?”

“…I see. Then…I was tricked.”

“What?”

The guy in the hospital bed asked. But the blond man was already walking away, an ominous tone to his voice that made the injured man shiver with wide eyes.

“…So this was  _his_ game from the start….”

 

 

 

 

[I won’t deny it, but it was Izaya’s idea!]

[Whatever. From now on, this is between Izaya and me. Stay out of it Shinra.]

[What do you mean?]

[…I’m not stupid y'know. If you tell Izaya, I will know.]

“Who are you messaging?”

Shizuo looked up from his phone.

“That perverted doctor,” he said, closing the phone and sliding it back into his pocket. “Well, he messaged me first.”

“Oh that one.” Tom said at the memory, then seemed to remember one of earlier.

“Anyway did you find them?”

“Huh?”

“The person you were looking for. You know, that someone important to you who went missing.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Yeah well, so did they come back?”

“…Yeah.”

Shizuo said, and something in his voice made Tom blink, and stare at the strange, chilling grin on the Monster of Ikebukuro’s face –

 

 

 

 

“They’re finally  _back_.”

 


End file.
